It’s been one of those weeks so it took me a bit longer than usual to get around to even watching the whole episode. Frankly, I got so bored during the first hour that I got up and went to finish watching dishes! Not even being dramatic. So I have a feeling this might be light on my commentary and I’ll let the tweets speak for me
Awkward Firsts Group Date
On a date that should have been hilarious because Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman are #marriagegoals and what made me laugh most was every stone faced delivery of a sexual innuendo that was subtle and probably too intelligent for about 11 of the 12 girls on that date (I see you Elyse, I got you girl)
I mean really the only two takeaways from the date is that Demi is putting on an act to be Corrine but more annoying (if its possible). And Elyse is a delight and I love her. Everything else was just meh.
Oh also, I guess I should start mentioning that Tracy the self-proclaimed wardrobe stylist looks ridiculous. I also may have a bias because of her racist tweet past. Why do these people not think to scrub their profiles? Why does the show not flush these people out? I mean I’m sure they could have found another Lauren to add to the cast with a snap of their fingers…
Hannah B’s 1-on1
I’m still scratching my head over this date. And it’s the point on Monday where I was just DONE. It was so painful and shouldn’t have been based on what we saw of this bubbly girl so far. Although, I think she warned us in her intro video that she was a hot mess.
I have this suspicion Colton was going to give her the axe but the producers told him they haven’t milked the pageant queen drama with Caelynn yet so they needed her to stick around
Summer Camp Group Date
I always enjoy when some of my favorite Twitter snark-commenters make an appearance and don’t actually hold back for the cameras. I don’t know what we did to deserve Billy Eichner but it definitely turned the episode around for me (on Tuesday night when I came back to the show!)
He REALLY said what everyone’s been thinking:
I honestly have not much else from this date. Nobody really stood out although when Heather revealed to Colton that she’s never been kissed. I was dying as she looked at him and he just said “Thanks for sharing” LOLOLOLOL
Cocktails and Rose Ceremony
The worst/best part of the first couple episodes is that there is a clear line between some of the actual contenders and those just making their resume for Bachelor in Paradise. And of course, the Demi’s of the world.
Someone please take all the props away from Onyeka. Does she have a trunk like Carrot Top that she’s getting all this crap from to just be super obnoxious? I mean I guess its working because I’d have no idea who she was otherwise.
Then we get started with the Demi-drama of the day when she decides to come out in a robe (again, pretty much straight outta Corinne’s playbook) and take Colton up to a bedroom for a massage. I just got the skeevs typing that.
Demi also interrupts Tracy to do this just as she’s about to really “open up” about God knows what to Colton which becomes a feud between the two least likeable people in the house (given that Catherine has now faded into the woodwork) Honestly they can both kick rocks but that’s not how this show works y’all
So we say goodbye to… ummm pretty much anyone whose name began with A (too much reminder of Aly Raisman, Colton?)… Alex B the dog rescuer, Angelique (who?), Annie, and Erica (the Nut)
The Bachelorennial 