I gotta admit this week was chock full of so many of my favorite classic plotlines on this crazy show:
- corny group dates that put the women in embarrassing competitions (we actually got two with the pirates AND Strongest Woman
- A one-on-one date that is actually watchable. This one with a bunch of little kids. Back in Ben Higgins season when he did this with Lauren B, it definitely was one of those things that got the baby fever rising
- Someone telling the lead that another contestant isn’t right for them based on the 3-4 days they’ve known him/her
- Said person regretting that decision VERY quickly
Group Date #1 – Pirate Adventure
We start with a group date to the Pirate Dinner Adventures, which seems like the Medieval Knights dinner I went to in Orlando as a kid – except pirates. And all the ladies are decked out in their best Fabletics gear in hopes of future Instagram #ad revenue.
If Colton’s goal was to become more famous after this, I think he just proved it won’t be by acting. Wow, that was almost a more awkward start to the show than his selfie video confessional last week.
We are also treated to a continuation of last weeks saga of the psuedo-villian and her prey featuring Demi and Tracy and I gotta say… Demi is starting to come out on top from a pure love-to-hate perspective versus Tracy is just not my cup of tea at all.
But then Demi made sure to remind us that anyone over 30 might as well have one foot in the grave and I had to question that last statement about her as I started to feel a bit stabby!
Nothing else really happened during the day part of the date -other than an excessive amount of side-eye and Lifetime Movie level scary bitch expressions from Hannah B – obviously setting us up for the pageant battle to come
So instead let’s focus on the happenings at the evening cocktail portion of the group date that seemed like it was basically just in a big storage garage.
First let me hate on Tracy’s signature outfit (the same one you may recall from her cast bio photo). I keep remembering she says she is a wardrobe stylist and it pains me even more.
And of course then the story of the night – NAY – 90% of the episode becomes about Hannah B and Caelynn and their “feud” complete with some prompting from little Miss Never-Been-Kissed.
Which of course – as it always does in the entire HISTORY of this show – does not go as planned when Colton gives Caelynn the group date rose.
Elyse 1 on 1
Next we move on to a genuine awesome date that reminds you there are women on this show that are a) relatively normal, and b) probably too good to be part of this franchise
I can’t recall if I have mentioned this already but every season I end up with a contestant crush and I apparently have no particular type. It’s been Wills, Alexis the Dolphin girl, Peter Kraus, Alex the Tiny Marine (i regret that now), etc. This season, I think it’s Elyse. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone here.
Group Date #2 – Strongest Woman Challenge
What more can I say about this date than TERRY FREAKING CREWS!
I was thinking Caitlin’s abilities were suspect and thanks to the Internet – suspicions confirmed
Then poor Caitlin waited all night to tell him literally the most boring life goals ever. Sad – I had high hopes for Canadian Caitlin
Pool Party Cocktails
But the fun is somewhat short-lived as the Battle of Pageant Girls continues into the pool party and Colton just doesn’t know who to believe.
Honestly, could it be they both just don’t like each other and they don’t get along? Although based on what we’re seeing, I’m totally Team Caelynn on this one – I think she’s got a little pageant-y fake to project an image in front of the cameras but not a bad person. Hannah B however scares me quite a bit.
And finally we get to the Rose Ceremony where of course the camera stays on Hannah B shaking in her boots which each rose given out. We all know she’s not going anywhere yet – they are going to milk this drama for all it’s worth!
We said goodbye to Fake-Aussie Bri, Croatian Nina (who?), and DJ Catherine who we barely saw this week
See you next week when it appears one of my other favorite Bachelor plotlines will unfold: a random contestant (Courtney it appears in this case) isn’t getting enough time with the Bachelor and lets “the process” break her down and she tells nobody of consequence that “I’m just going to quit/leave/pack my bags” when in reality, extra attention is all that she wanted to secure a potential Paradise ticket.
The Bachelorennial 