Before they actually go to Vietnam, we have to pick up where we left of last week with the Most-Anti-Climactic-To-Be-Continued-Rose-Ceremony-Ever!
Colton essentially tells Onyeka and Nicole to kick rocks in true Bachelor passive-aggressive fashion. Instead of sending them home right that minute, they forced us all to go through the motions of the rose ceremony just to send these two home (oh and so Chris Harrison could “earn” his paycheck for that night).
Please Stop with the Video Confessionals!
Hannah G’s One-on-One
So what more did we learn about Hannah during this date (at least during the day)? Nothing because Colton’s tongue was too far down her throat whilst wrapping themselves in giant leaves, taking showers, etc, etc, etc.
Colton can be so incredibly awkward when he’s trying to say something remotely pertaining to a sexy compliment.
Group Date Beatdown
Before we even get to the date, let’s enjoy the reading of the date card scene for a second, shall we? Of course nobody wants to be on the group date (especially if they knew what the activity was this week).
It should very clear if you haven’t gotten a 1-1 date at this point in the season, you’re just taking up space for the season. And Demi sure as hell isn’t happy about it, but yay for Kirpa!
I literally hate this type of group date in every single season of the Bachelor. It’s not fun for anyone involved, or anyone watching. It feels like getting people to beat up on each other is something the producers think will get the drama going.
The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous because the only person that took it serious was Hannah Beast – and then Demi when she decided to take all her pent-up mommy issues out on Katie.
At the after-party, Syndey decides to leave because, well, after giving Colton a very clear hint earlier to pay more attention to her… he didn’t.
Kirpa’s Date
It is definitely the kiss of death on this show if the lead refers to your relationship as “a slow burn”/”slower pace”/etc. Translation: you are in the friend zone. And by the way Colton has gotten super handsy with Cassie and Hannah G recently – it’s pretty obvious he likes Kirpa, but doesn’t like-like Kirpa
Demi “Stages” Her Own 1-on-1
This was such a blatent rip-off of Corinne’s exact same move on Nick’s season – down to how they filmed her primping in the mirror and the slow/awkward walk to Colton’s room.
So I pretty much knew this would end in tears, lots of tears. And believe it or not, I had a bit of sympathy for Demi, but only from the lens of remembering heartbreak at 23 being the absolute end of the world.
But please, don’t feel too bad. Demi’s already got her Paradise ticket booked and she’s probably DM’ing with at least 5-6 men from Becca’s season.
Rose Ceremony – Sans Cocktails
After already having filled 2 of his 3 required rejections for the week, Colton decides to skip the rose ceremony. (Also thanks to production for speeding this crap along). He says goodbye to Katie and she continues the trend of cryptically telling Colton to be careful of girls that aren’t ready. Literally everyone that is under 23 (i.e. 5 of the 7 women left) are probably not ready to get married. This shouldn’t be an earth-shattering revelation.
Once again the episode does not include “The Fence Jump”. I wholeheartedly agree with this tweet:
The Bachelorennial 