Let me start off by apologizing for the lack of recap last week. It wasn’t for lack of trying, I just couldn’t find time to get it completed enough to do it justice.
I also need to be completely honest that I found most of the episode so absolutely boring that I fell asleep not once, but twice! Good thing Twitter filled in the blanks
The mostly snooze-fest had many waxing philosophical about what could have been
So on to what actually happened…Surprise, surprise we weren’t subjected to one of Colton’s video confessional but instead we got another scene of Colton showering
Before I talk about each of the hometowns, the dads really carried the show here. Although Hannah G’s mom clearly wears the Chico’s ‘slacks’ in the family. We had John saying “just be friends”, Mr. Adams flat out not giving Colton ‘his permission’ (even though he caved later), and Mr. Matt Randolph as the king of shutting.it.down. Anywhoo…
Caelynn
We start with Caelynn’s family in her home of Richmond, Virginia. Do you think there’s any of those signs up in town like “Caelynn Miller-Keyes, Runner-up Miss USA, Miss Virginia North Carolina 2018″? Awkward.
TBH John is really the star of Caelynn’s family and I just wanted to hug him for seeming like THE sweetest man and also started the trend of great Dad-lines of the night!
Also, theme of the night that continued to come up: Colton asking for permission to marry every.single.girl. I think I would have had less issue if he had said “blessing” – but clearly it infuriated the masses
Hannah G
Next we head to Alabama to meet Hannah G’s family but first she takes Colton to a Southern Gentleman Etiquette lesson. This seems right on brand with the level of fun that Hannah G seems to have in her life.
Now we meet the rest of the clan that in all honesty, the lead up had me a bit frightened. Mama G just looks like she’ll be the mother-in-law from hell.
I don’t like to make fun of family members appearances since they didn’t sign up for the show so they don’t feel like fair game, but honestly, I can’t ignore the Kate Gosselin haircut. I.just.can’t.
Jumping ahead a little since they show it in the credits, but I’ll bring it up here. That was the most God-awful white-girl rapping that I may have ever experienced, and unfortunately as a fan of reality TV – I’ve seen a lot.
Tayshia
Full disclosure – most of the naps happened during Hannah and Tayshia’s dates and I had to go back to watch some of the GOLD commentary from Tayshia’s dad. At least I got to see him reject Colton live, even if he did backtrack.
Tayshia’s little brother has a serious future as a meme. Also please take note of the setup of this shot with himself in a white suit behind him. We now know the TRUE star of the family fo’ sho’
Cassie
Ugh, if it weren’t for Cassie’s dad, this would have been SO painful. Cassie seemed even more painfully young while watching this. Also – didn’t Cassie just vehemently defend “being ready” not just a short week ago? Hoo boy.
To once again prove that she’s definitely, absolutely, positively mature… the only time she really defends her feelings for Colton is when her dad says she’s too young. So basically she’s going to do this to prove Daddy wrong?
And while Caelynn’s step-dad has our heart – Matt Randolph has me bowing down for having the truest Dad response and not backing down
And Then There Were 3
Well well well, Chris Harrison decided to grace us with his presence this week. Thank you for your guidance, dear sir.
Colton sends Caelynn home. Yes, I know the ending but I never bought that her and Colton were going to be end game (I still felt Peter was better for Rachel up until the very bitter, tearful end). There just wasn’t as much chemistry as he has with the other 3. I think she’ll be okay though.
And of course, another week another lack of fence jump. We’re pretty much down to it having to happen next week, so we shall see…
The Bachelorennial 