Holy emotional rollercoaster, Batman! I laughed, I cried, I thought about calling a therapist, I hugged my dog for a little longer than she was comfortable with…
For 2 years in a row, the Bachelors (male leads. Bachelorette’s mostly have their shit together) have truly delivered on Chris Harrison’s promises of Most. Dramatic. Season. Ever. I’ve been telling everyone to hold on to their fence-jumping pants because it was going to get good at the end (thank you spoilers) we just had to get through some very boring episodes there in the middle (ahem. last week.)
Fantasy Suites. Fantasy Suites. Fantasy Suites.
As was to be expected, we’ve now circled back to a LOT of virgin sex talk
Tayshia’s Date – It was Fun While it Lasted
By the time this episode ended, it was hard to remember Tayshia’s date even happened (much less that Hannah G is still out there waiting for Colton to show up…)
However, Tayshia and Colton are really fun together. I think he’s really been himself around her and she brings out his humor, lots of awkward virgin jokes (which I thought we were done with but there were just so many opportunities!)
And there was a good portion of time at dinner spent joking about the tape keeping Tayshia’s ladies in her dress
And of course, a lot of discussion about the Fantasy Suite with Tayshia hoping she’s going to “explore” with Colton. ew. Well, as we then see in the morning when they are just awkwardly hanging out – something did not go as planned it seems. so awkward.
Cassie’s Date – Too Good to Be True
The next date is with Cassie. Honestly, all this day date feels like is filler for the inevitable that everyone has been waiting for all damn season
Cassie’s Dad is “In the Neighborhood”
In a move that was completely organic and all the producers Matt Randolph’s idea, Cassie’s dad shows up in Portugal to talk to his youngest daughter and basically fuel even more of Cassie’s indecisiveness.
Cassie Breaks Colton’s Heart
I literally don’t even know how to write anything funny about this, partly because 90% of what Cassie said needed subtitles but also because I was truly upset watching and my usual sarcastic lens fell off for a brief time. It reminded me a lot of when Brooks decided to leave Desiree and she just fell to complete pieces trying to make him stay. Oof, my heart hurt!
And they both let us know it was just as traumatizing watching it the second time around
Watching Colton visibly (and audibly) shaking was really tough to watch. He’s taken a lot of crap this season about his intentions (me included) but it’s pretty obvious that he was blindsided and really is in love with Cassie
The. Fence. Jump.
By the time Colton jumped the fence, I was so emotionally drained that I couldn’t muster the excitement.
That is until Christopher B. Harrison rose up like the superhero we all know him to be and dropped a few choices F bombs that made me say “hell yes!” to nobody in particular (ok, again my poor put-upon dog that just wanted to sit by a nice fire and instead gets all my emotional outbursts.) My husband is smart enough to hide in our bedroom on Monday nights.
A few other gems about the jump heard round the world to end this post:
The Bachelorennial 