And we’re back for another, final very special episode of this mess. Why they thought this all couldn’t have just been wrapped up on Monday is beyond me. I’m not sure I have enough left in me to even write this last recap. Good thing I get a little recharge before Bachelorette starts up. Maybe I’ll take my newly found time on Mondays to read a new book or something intellectual? Okay probably not, I’ll likely start binge watching Riverdale or some other nonsense!
I’m pretty sure Chris Harrison is more pumped up about Colton losing his virginity that Colton even is. It’s all this dude has talked about every commercial break the past 2 nights! It started to get uncomfortable after the 10th mention or so really.
Colton Gets His Girl Back
So I guess if we really thought Cassie and/or Colton were acting, her terrible job at pretending to be surprised when Colton was at her door gave me a little hope she’s not 100% fake. I mean, she already had a mic on so she was obviously prepped something was going to happen. Anyway, it’s pretty easy to recap this because 90% of the conversation was just Cassie mumbling and giggling and looking around like she was in the Twilight Zone
Probably my favorite part however was Cassie’s reaction when Colton tells her about jumping over the fence.
Also this initial reaction when Colton tells her he sent the other two girls packing
So loooooong story short, Cassie agrees to try again and you know the best way to not freak out the girl who ran once? By saying “hey now you gotta come to Spain and meet my whole family just days after you tried making a run for it and ripping my heart out on television? Doesn’t that sound great?” Apparently this is all Cassie heard though:
Cassie Faces the Family
Because things weren’t awkward enough with these two acting like they didn’t just act out some tragic love story a few days ago… Colton’s family now gets to grill Cassie and Mama Colton went straight for it
A Final One-on-One
Did anyone else feel like the show was trying to get back at Colton somehow like “hey big guy, you can jump a fence, how about you rappel down that there cliff and we’ll call it even for playing hide-n-seek the other night?”
So they’re all in love/lust now, blah blah blah, somebody please satisfy Chris Harrison’s rabid curiosity!!! Oh you’re going to kick out the cameras finally? At least Cassie remembered the mics were on much to the chagrin of the producers. Foiled! Bah!
At this point, we get treated to another roundtable discussion about Colton’s bedroom skills. Just. Stop.
And also most of you who’ve been around long enough already know my feelings about the Goose by now
The Happy Couple
I gotta admit, maybe just maybe, this will work for at least the next 6 months or so? I’m not sure I’ve thought a couple was actually going to work since Ashley & JP, so I’m a tad jaded, but it seems something definitely more natural and comfortable when we’re watching them now then during the heavily produced reality of the actual show.
Also, this tweet wasn’t even funny and yet, I think it was possibly my most liked tweet of this season #basictwittergoals
And to wrap up the greatest love story of our generation (please I hope you know that is dripping with sarcasm), we get the special treat of being serenaded by… Air Supply. A little backstory, this has been a life goal for one of the Exec Producers Robert Mills and truly has nothing to do with anything, but damn was the song choice perfection
Hannah B – B is for Bachelorette!
Well I feel like the Bachelor world is VERY divided on our little Alabama Hannah. I plant my flag firmly in the Here-For-It camp even though I think she might also be a complete train wreck, that’s what I live for! I swear to you that is exactly what I would look like (okay maybe not THAT gorgeous but close, lol) up on stage. I love attention but I would be terrified and stumbling all over myself in that scenario with no preparation.
So in what is now tradition – so maybe Hannah SHOULD have known what was coming, she gets to meet 5 of her guys on the spot: Luke, Connor, Cam, Dustin, and another Luke. My quick takes on what stood out:
Hannah decides she wants to give out a rose and by golly that’s what she’s going to do. But she sorta seemed to have forgotten all their names and production wasn’t prepared with the little namey-labels so she stands there staring hoping not to pull a Ross Gellar and say Colton’s name. Instead she picks the only guy potentially as awkward as she was: Mr-Pretty-Fly-For-a-White-Guy (I can’t remember which one he was either, Hannah)
And to end it all Hannah quite possibly gave the best rose ceremony/motivational speech ever. Thank you and see you in May, y’all!
The Bachelorennial 