It’s officially Bachelorette season! I still stand by the fact that I think Hannah is going to be a breath of fresh air. For a pageant winner, she’s refreshingly unpolished. I think a season of Caelynn would have been way too calm. We tune into this for the shit show, not for the true love potential.
It’s really hard to talk about 30 guys, especially when half are named Luke or Tyler, so I’ll focus on the ones that the show chose to really focus on and/or stood out in some way.
Also, I had to geek out a little when one of my favorite contestants (from waaaaay back in Brad Womack’s 2nd season) replied to one of my tweets! For context, she was involved in uncovering Garrett’s IG likes and also just how gross Leo turned out to be.Inching my way into Bachelor Nation one tweet at a time, y’all. Goals. 😉
Intro Videos
After being reminded of Hannah’s journey, we’re treated to the standard intro videos designed to make us all think they’ll be important but then the producers throw in Old-Matt-Donald and Chicago Joe (not to be confused with Grocery Joe also from Chicago and the A-list version!) both of whom go home less than 2 hours later. I’m not going to talk about them all, but we had Tyler C (more on that below), Peter the Pilot, Big Mike who loves his Grandma, the aforementioned Chicago Joe and Matt Donald, Connor J who is too nice and normal, and lastly the guy who just gives me the “ick”, Luke P who shares he “was” a total d-bag, but God spoke to him in the shower and he’s a changed man. From the looks of the previews, I call b.s. but moving onward…
Tyler C tries to destroy Footloose
Tyler’s intro video might just rank up as one of the weirdest I’ve seen in several years. Also, I really REALLY hope he was joking about almost minoring in dance because that.was.terrible. But also so terrible it was funny. I still think he looks like Neidermeyer from Animal House with an Instagram-ready torso.
Limo Entrances
Garrett the Golf Pro was the first out of the limo and boy, did he go for it with a hole-in-one joke. Kinda obvious, but I’m not expecting nuanced humor from this show. I’m still convinced that being from Alabama they have mutual friends/relatives in common.
We “meet” Cam again with another elaborate white-boy rap and turns out he has his own motto… “ABC. Always Be Cam”. barf.
And in addition to all that I really couldn’t pinpoint what it was about him that bothered me until I saw this:
Luke P further cemented my disdain and discomfort by growling on top of the limo and then proclaiming himself ‘king of the jungle’
As for everyone else, they were mostly…meh… however Unemployed Grant ended up winning the intros for me. While eating a hot dog, he referenced it was going to be a real sausage party, but relished the opportunity and they would “ketchup” inside.
Scott’s Got a Girrrrllllfrieeeeend
Demi and Katie show up in a white surveillance van to spy on the guys for Hannah and Demi is of course making mental notes for Paradise in addition to her primary purpose of exposing “the guy that has a girlfriend.”
Lo and behold it turns out to be the least interesting guy of the group, Scott. The guy I told you that you could find at the Applebees bar on any given Wednesday Happy Hour. Yeah, and not only does he start by denying it, he then pulls a toxic dude move and tries to turn it on Hannah
After Hannah kicks his ass to the curb, she tells the guys the scoop and then declares she needs a minute. Cue Luke swooping in to be the one to comfort her, however he sort of missed a key “gentlemanly” move with Hannah shivering and mentions she was cold. TWICE.
And Luke P still gets the first impression rose because of course.
Rose Ceremony Eliminations
In addition to Scott’s early exit, 7 more guys got the boot and they all seemed like guys that were probably too nice and normal to last long in this franchise as it was. However, we’ll probably see at least 3 of them on Paradise in a couple months.
And further cementing why he is just the king of all things, we’re blessed with watching Chris Harrison complaining and swearing as he attempts to clean up the packing peanuts from Chicago Joe’s entrance
Honestly, Hannah did a great job navigating the night and from those previews, I can guarantee this season is not going to disappoint on the drama!
The Bachelorennial 