Was this really a Men Tell All if the actual MTA didn’t start until after 9? What a literal shit show this whole thing was. While I enjoyed SO many moments of Hannah taking Luke down, the fact that this toxic guy has been given so much energy and screen time is infuriating!
The Wildest Rose Ceremony Ever
The show picks up where it should have finished last week with Hannah heading into the rose ceremony relieved to be rid of Luke P forever (haha, nice but nope) but still having to send another guy home (which ALSO was a lie)
So Hannah is completely clueless to what she is walking into and the guys actually had zero idea that Luke shouldn’t have been there. The whole thing was so creepy and I swear I think I held my breath waiting for the moment that Hannah turned the corner.
Throughout all this the guys are still clueless that Hannah actually already tried to send Luke home, they just think he’s being his typical douche self…
…until Hannah drops the bomb that she already sent him home and honestly Jed’s reaction made my laugh so hard
Luke continues to try to convince Hannah that she isn’t in control of her own decisions and keeps asking her what she wants and CLEARLY has told him she wants him to LEAVE! It’s so uncomfortable.
And as I stated in the caption up top, I’m pretty sure Hannah picking up the rose podium and moving it away from Luke might be in my Top 5 moments of all time from this franchise. The fact she didn’t actually reel back and whack him with it shows the incredible amount of restraint she had that I would not have.
And of course rather than giving us the satisfaction of seeing the rest of the rose ceremony we are being denied… the show cuts back to Chris Harrison about to make us listen to EVEN MORE CRAP from Luke for who-knows-how-much-longer!! The spoilers I read said he was on stage with Chris for TWO WHOLE HOURS, so just let that sink in after having watched his painful pauses and repeatedly trying to explain himself. I guess it could have been worse, but it could have been better. Nobody needed all of that.
It’s incredibly hard to sum up the entirety of Luke’s solo time with Chris Harrison outside the fact that he spent most of it saying that he wanted to be clear/not be misconstrued/etc all while talking in circles and taking zero accountability and actually literally saying he regrets nothing
Luke really did nothing to redeem himself and actually may have came off scarier than before as it pertains to his thoughts on women
Somewhere to the end of this madness, Luke starts to get snarky with Chris Harrison as if Chris isn’t smart enough to understand the random talking words and pauses that are coming from Luke’s toxic brain and HELL TO THE NO YOU DO NOT DISRESPECT Mr. Chris Harrison!
And now FINALLY, the rest of the men make their way to the stage while Luke still sits in the Hot Seat. Honestly, this was where it became overkill. Yes, the guys had every right to tell Luke he was a pile of trash, but I had such Luke fatigue at that point I just wanted him to get the heck off the stage.
While there were several smackdown shots at Luke (looking at you, young sweet Connor with the F*** You!) Mike delivered the kill shot
And of course, lest we forget that Hannah had her say with him
Okay y’all, the last thing I shall write about Luke for now…
He was given the opportunity to truly apologize to Hannah, given he had a couple months to reflect on his actions. Yes, he technically apologized for “making her time difficult” but that was not remotely the apology that he should have given her. I don’t think he has the ability to see that he’s wrong. He’s a self-righteous, narcissistic, troll-weasel (don’t ask, I’m just going with it)
The Rest of the Men Tell All
John Paul Jones
This man is a national treasure and truly just seemed that he was having so much fun being there and did not want to be part of any drama, he just wanted to eat nuggets, take a paid-for extended vacation, and gain more Instagram followers. I cannot wait to see him on BIP (although I worry a bit seeing him crying and fighting Derek!)
Mike for Bachelor!
Okay, okay, okay. Let me first clarify, in my book, there are two other candidates for Bachelor but technically speaking, they are still in the running for Hannah’s heart (everyone not named Jed because he is Trashman #2 from this season) so of the non-top 3 guys – Mike is clearly the fan favorite. A few snippets of those that agree with me, including Tyler himself!
Final Thoughts
And yes, I say it every Tell All and I have resigned myself that this is the hill I will die on, but I truly think this franchise would be well served to take a page from the great OG of reality television (the Real World/Road Rules/Challenge franchise) and dedicate an entire bloopers/outtakes episode a la “The Sh*t They Should Have Shown”. Just add this to the laundry list of things I’d do if I were queen of the world. Although… how Chris Harrison hasn’t made this happen is very disappointing to me knowing his stance on bloopers.
The Bachelorennial 