Bachelor Week 4: Hello Singapore!

I feel like this entire episode had me in some sort of alternative Bachelor universe where I’m starting to understand Colton’s life choices AND I’m starting to be #TeamDemi. At least I’ve not changed my stance on thinking Hannah B is bat-shit crazy so I’ve got that going for me.

Time to leave The Mansion!

The show starts off with reminding us how absolutely savage Chris Harrison can be. I rank this up with last season saying “who are you?” to a contestant.

We’re going to Singapore!! I absolutely think it’s hilarious that no matter the location, contestants have the same level of wild excitement just to get out of that mansion!

And Hannah G reminded us that you don’t have to be smarter than a 5th grader to be a contestant on this show

Tayshia’s 1-on-1

First, here’s a reminder there is a girl named Tayshia on the show. And the #Tayshiaforbachelorette campaign is fully underway now.

Second, props to Colton for basically telling us that he was always terrified of getting hurt while playing football yet now he’s perfectly fine with plummeting to potential death by bungee (or “bungy” as the random scaffolding states). And looking super tough while doing so, lmao.

And then at dinner, Tayshia sets the stage for this week being “confessions” week as she opens up about being divorced.

Group Date walking the Singapore streets

Literally the only takeaway I had from the group date of wandering the streets is the build-up of Demi v. Courtney where Demi has now somehow gotten the support of the whole Bachelor Twitter universe… Oh, and Hannah B whining about Caelynn getting the next 1-on-1. Because what else would she talk about.

I know I talk a lot about the cardinal rules of Bachelor contestants, but after this many years, it’s amazing that people still fall into these traps (then again, the show producers are evil geniuses!)

Colton also keeps it consistent by not rewarding the person that started the shit talking by giving the rose to Demi (she also opened up about her Embezzle-Mom which was a genuine moment)

Caelynn’s 1-on-1

Okay before I get to the night portion and all it’s seriousness, let’s talk about how great it was for Caelynn to get the Pretty Woman date and stage every last bit of it to send Hannah B into another tailspin

This date obviously ended with a super deep and intense conversation that not only really showed how strong of a woman Caelynn is, but as I said earlier, made me understand and like Colton so much more for how he responded and that he touched on his past relationship with Aly Raisman in a very respectful way without exploiting her story.

Kinda also puts all the superficial snarking from Hannah B in an even worse light, doesn’t it?

Cocktail Party Happenings

A LOT happened at the cocktail party:

First, Caelynn and Hannah B seemingly called a truce in a more mature discussion than the fight brewing between the other 23-year-olds fighting with each other

And Hannah G made the most of her alone time with Colton. And then proceeds to make the bed after they’ve rolled around on it WITH THEIR SHOES ON! (sorry – that’s a thing for me and I was silently screaming last night watching it!)

And finally last but certainly not least we have the conclusion of Demi vs. Courtney, a Tale of Two 23 Year-Olds

There was so much packed into about 15 minutes with these two but it was a nice way to bring us all back into the show’s natural state of being: superficiality.

And in what may be the best twist (at least for Demi) her two “adversaries” are both sent home

Bachelor Recap – Week 3: Pirates, Pushups, Pool Parties and Pageant Drama

I gotta admit this week was chock full of so many of my favorite classic plotlines on this crazy show:

  1. corny group dates that put the women in embarrassing competitions (we actually got two with the pirates AND Strongest Woman
  2. A one-on-one date that is actually watchable. This one with a bunch of little kids. Back in Ben Higgins season when he did this with Lauren B, it definitely was one of those things that got the baby fever rising
  3. Someone telling the lead that another contestant isn’t right for them based on the 3-4 days they’ve known him/her
  4. Said person regretting that decision VERY quickly

Group Date #1 – Pirate Adventure

We start with a group date to the Pirate Dinner Adventures, which seems like the Medieval Knights dinner I went to in Orlando as a kid – except pirates. And all the ladies are decked out in their best Fabletics gear in hopes of future Instagram #ad revenue.

If Colton’s goal was to become more famous after this, I think he just proved it won’t be by acting. Wow, that was almost a more awkward start to the show than his selfie video confessional last week.

We are also treated to a continuation of last weeks saga of the psuedo-villian and her prey featuring Demi and Tracy and I gotta say… Demi is starting to come out on top from a pure love-to-hate perspective versus Tracy is just not my cup of tea at all.

But then Demi made sure to remind us that anyone over 30 might as well have one foot in the grave and I had to question that last statement about her as I started to feel a bit stabby!

Nothing else really happened during the day part of the date -other than an excessive amount of side-eye and Lifetime Movie level scary bitch expressions from Hannah B – obviously setting us up for the pageant battle to come

So instead let’s focus on the happenings at the evening cocktail portion of the group date that seemed like it was basically just in a big storage garage.

First let me hate on Tracy’s signature outfit (the same one you may recall from her cast bio photo). I keep remembering she says she is a wardrobe stylist and it pains me even more.

And of course then the story of the night – NAY – 90% of the episode becomes about Hannah B and Caelynn and their “feud” complete with some prompting from little Miss Never-Been-Kissed.

Which of course – as it always does in the entire HISTORY of this show – does not go as planned when Colton gives Caelynn the group date rose.

Elyse 1 on 1

Next we move on to a genuine awesome date that reminds you there are women on this show that are a) relatively normal, and b) probably too good to be part of this franchise

I can’t recall if I have mentioned this already but every season I end up with a contestant crush and I apparently have no particular type. It’s been Wills, Alexis the Dolphin girl, Peter Kraus, Alex the Tiny Marine (i regret that now), etc. This season, I think it’s Elyse. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone here.

https://twitter.com/JillBidenVeep/status/1087526367112151040

Group Date #2 – Strongest Woman Challenge

What more can I say about this date than TERRY FREAKING CREWS!

https://twitter.com/JillBidenVeep/status/1087531051088515072

I was thinking Caitlin’s abilities were suspect and thanks to the Internet – suspicions confirmed

https://twitter.com/OutoftheLimo/status/1087535229269692417

Then poor Caitlin waited all night to tell him literally the most boring life goals ever. Sad – I had high hopes for Canadian Caitlin

Pool Party Cocktails

But the fun is somewhat short-lived as the Battle of Pageant Girls continues into the pool party and Colton just doesn’t know who to believe.

Honestly, could it be they both just don’t like each other and they don’t get along? Although based on what we’re seeing, I’m totally Team Caelynn on this one – I think she’s got a little pageant-y fake to project an image in front of the cameras but not a bad person. Hannah B however scares me quite a bit.

And finally we get to the Rose Ceremony where of course the camera stays on Hannah B shaking in her boots which each rose given out. We all know she’s not going anywhere yet – they are going to milk this drama for all it’s worth!

We said goodbye to Fake-Aussie Bri, Croatian Nina (who?), and DJ Catherine who we barely saw this week

See you next week when it appears one of my other favorite Bachelor plotlines will unfold: a random contestant (Courtney it appears in this case) isn’t getting enough time with the Bachelor and lets “the process” break her down and she tells nobody of consequence that “I’m just going to quit/leave/pack my bags” when in reality, extra attention is all that she wanted to secure a potential Paradise ticket.

Bachelor Recap – Week 2: Colton Goes to Summer Camp

It’s been one of those weeks so it took me a bit longer than usual to get around to even watching the whole episode. Frankly, I got so bored during the first hour that I got up and went to finish watching dishes! Not even being dramatic. So I have a feeling this might be light on my commentary and I’ll let the tweets speak for me

Awkward Firsts Group Date

On a date that should have been hilarious because Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman are #marriagegoals and what made me laugh most was every stone faced delivery of a sexual innuendo that was subtle and probably too intelligent for about 11 of the 12 girls on that date (I see you Elyse, I got you girl)

I mean really the only two takeaways from the date is that Demi is putting on an act to be Corrine but more annoying (if its possible). And Elyse is a delight and I love her. Everything else was just meh.

Oh also, I guess I should start mentioning that Tracy the self-proclaimed wardrobe stylist looks ridiculous. I also may have a bias because of her racist tweet past. Why do these people not think to scrub their profiles? Why does the show not flush these people out? I mean I’m sure they could have found another Lauren to add to the cast with a snap of their fingers…

Hannah B’s 1-on1

I’m still scratching my head over this date. And it’s the point on Monday where I was just DONE. It was so painful and shouldn’t have been based on what we saw of this bubbly girl so far. Although, I think she warned us in her intro video that she was a hot mess.


I have this suspicion Colton was going to give her the axe but the producers told him they haven’t milked the pageant queen drama with Caelynn yet so they needed her to stick around

Summer Camp Group Date

I always enjoy when some of my favorite Twitter snark-commenters make an appearance and don’t actually hold back for the cameras. I don’t know what we did to deserve Billy Eichner but it definitely turned the episode around for me (on Tuesday night when I came back to the show!)

He REALLY said what everyone’s been thinking:

I honestly have not much else from this date. Nobody really stood out although when Heather revealed to Colton that she’s never been kissed. I was dying as she looked at him and he just said “Thanks for sharing” LOLOLOLOL

Cocktails and Rose Ceremony

The worst/best part of the first couple episodes is that there is a clear line between some of the actual contenders and those just making their resume for Bachelor in Paradise. And of course, the Demi’s of the world.

Someone please take all the props away from Onyeka. Does she have a trunk like Carrot Top that she’s getting all this crap from to just be super obnoxious? I mean I guess its working because I’d have no idea who she was otherwise.

Then we get started with the Demi-drama of the day when she decides to come out in a robe (again, pretty much straight outta Corinne’s playbook) and take Colton up to a bedroom for a massage. I just got the skeevs typing that.


Demi also interrupts Tracy to do this just as she’s about to really “open up” about God knows what to Colton which becomes a feud between the two least likeable people in the house (given that Catherine has now faded into the woodwork) Honestly they can both kick rocks but that’s not how this show works y’all

https://twitter.com/TampaTimmy4Prez/status/1085005974321197056
https://twitter.com/BrettSVergara/status/1085008352000831491

So we say goodbye to… ummm pretty much anyone whose name began with A (too much reminder of Aly Raisman, Colton?)… Alex B the dog rescuer, Angelique (who?), Annie, and Erica (the Nut)

Recap – Colton’s First Night Of Bachelorhood

How I felt by the third hour of this nonsense

Welcome back to another season of watching a bunch of fame thirsty 20-somethings (except you Elyse who is practically a granny at the ripe old age of 31!) pretending that in the real world they would give a 26 year old virgin a right-swipe, even if he does look like Colton (hello gratuitous shower scenes, I’ve missed you since Sean’s season!)

https://twitter.com/colton/status/1082451048457859074

I’m finding it challenging to even figure out how to frame this recap given the chaotic bouncing around for 3 hours from the actual show to exciting watch party locations such as… an apartment… in Lansing Michigan.

I mean seriously, in the first hour we were subjected to Team Glitter-Goose (barf) in a hot tub more than any actual footage of Colton or his bevy of over-enthusiastic contestants. There was so much going on it was really hard to keep up, but in a sort of “give the bad before the not-as-bad” I’ll start with my thoughts on all the live segments first.

The Live “Parties”

All of it was truly un-necessary and judging by the reactions on social media, I’m pretty sure the only people that would want this to happen again are Jared and Ashley I:

In addition to the typical crowd with Chris Harrison in the Final Rose/Tell-All studio, we visit:

Kaitlyn and JoJo getting wasted at Chris Harrison’s bar in Dallas with the woman that brought the world the King of Bachelor Nation (his mom)

Blake and Jason bro’ing it up in the aforementioned Michigan apartment

And finally Jared and Ashley I in Park City Utah with a special appearance by Ben Higgins, Becca & Garrett and basically anybody else they could find to make their segment remotely interesting.

The only really enjoyable segment was seeing all the Bachelor babies. Confession: I follow almost all these couples on Instagram so I could probably tell you each of these kiddos exact ages and what is in their FabFitFun box each month.


Not once, but twice we were subjected to truly cringe-worthy fan proposals. As great as it sounds to be proposed to on national television – neither of those couples looked like they actually wanted to do it but the glow of Neil Lane’s spray tan giant free rings convinced them.

And what in God’s name was the point of reminding us that Krystal and Chris are a thing that happened this summer and having them sit in a hot tub, in a parking lot, with random people that volunteered to join them

And finally, did anyone else start panicking a little when they started the tribute video to Chris Harrison? Like, that’s the kind of thing saved for “in Memoriam” and retirement parties. This show could never go on if the eternally youthful host were to hang up his custom-designed cuff links

The Actual Show

Rather than recap the entire episode, I’m going to focus on a few of the standout contestants. I highly encourage you to also read some of my other favorite recap blogs like Betches and Kristin Baldwin at EW:

https://betches.com/the-best-bachelor-recap-youll-ever-read-season-23-week-1/

https://ew.com/recap/the-bachelor-season-23-premiere/

Colton

Well I obviously can’t start this without talking about the man who made all this drama possible and never, ever, ever did anything with the goal of being the Bachelor in mind

Catherine

As for the women, let’s talk about Catherine first, shall we? From what fresh hell of Real Housewives rejects did they find this person?!?! She displayed not one redeeming quality – and don’t say her dog b/c no real dog mom is just dropping her dog in a stranger’s arms like it’s coat check at “da club” where she “DJ’s”

A Cinderella Story GIF

Why Colton did not shut this chick down after Interruption #3 is beyond me. I mean, you even have Nick Viall (he who let Corinne be Corinne) thinking it’s excessive

Obviously, she’s the girl (and I use that term loosely as her true age is prooooobably not 26) the producers are using for drama and hate-tweeting

Demi

Another custom built to probably be the villain as the season progresses. This girl has so many red flags. wowza

red flag snl GIF

All the Pageant Girls

Yes I’m just lumping them all together because most of you probably don’t remember which one is which anyways and they all 3 know each other. We have Caelynn (Miss North Carolina) with the sash that got the joke wrong:

Then, Hannah B (Miss Alabama) who had the classic “i’m a gorgeous beauty queen but also so goofy, aren’t i adorable?” introduction. Although points for saying “Roll Tide” less than 3 times. Sorry your team got spanked whilst this was airing!

And then in the mansion basically looked like she wanted to dive across the room at Caelynn (look forward to hearing about the demise of their friendship later in the season)

Lastly, there’s Hannah G. Also a pageant girl without a title (she competed against other Hannah for Miss Alabama and lost) so I’m putting her here. Obviously she stands out because Colton gave her the first impression rose but also because she literally has the tiniest features I’ve ever seen, which was definitely highlighted next to Colton

https://twitter.com/KevinandhisFace/status/1082479323964231680

All the Rest

Cassie is my girl crush of the season. Do not read anything spoiler-y into that statement because my faves are all over the map. Wills was the primary target of affection last season and he wasn’t even top 4. I just really like that she seems like she’s just there for the ride and her whole vibe is just effortless (probably the whole Huntington Beach Cali thing). Also kudos for not wearing a bedazzled prom dress

I didn’t think I would, but I got a real chuckle out of Sloth Girl. She’ll never top Alexis as a Dolphin/Shark, but it was still pretty good

Bri trying to stand out with the fake Australian accent was actually pretty clever and if you were wondering if she ‘fessed up at any point, well wait no longer (click the link below). Honestly, I think we could have had 2 fewer minutes of Blake & Jason “having a blast” to get a little closure on this critical matter

The Rose Ceremony…Finally

The rose ceremony lasted so long that not only did seven of these women get dumped, but had to take the limo walk of shame by light of day

Good Morning Light GIF - GoodMorning Light GIFs

And just some final closing thoughts on the evening. I’m pretty sure the best thing to come out of the previews for the season is watching a Bachelor appearing to pull a Runaway Bride.

And here’s hoping that the virginity conversation cools down a bit – at least until Colton needs to have “the talk” again with Chris Harrison before Fantasy Suites

Colton’s Ladies: Bio Breakdown

everyone get that insta-influencer smile ready!

One of my favorite parts of the season is when we all have the freedom to make harsh, judgy commentary about all the Bachelor contestants based on a single photo and terribly written “cast bio”

If you want to go out and read the full bio and get a better view of these photos, here’s the links to the official Bachelor page and also the People article that supplied the full-body poses that make my job easier:

Bachelor ABC: https://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor/news/updates/the-bachelor-2019-season-23-women-announced

People: https://people.com/tv/bachelor-23-full-cast-colton-underwood/

As part of the work bracket game, I actually post all the pictures in my cube and LOVE the commentary I get from folks just based on their fashion choices and dumb bios. I also read all the spoilers but will keep this blog a spoiler-free zone because, well, I’m running a game here people!

So let’s get started with the critiques, shall we? Also, can I state for the record that I am VERY disappointed in the lack of Laurens this season? There are 2 Hannahs and 2 pageant queens, so I guess there’s that…

Alex B: 29, Dog Rescuer, Vancouver

I guess right out the gate, I can’t be TOO mean because, well, she’s a kick-ass dog rescuer who has rescued over 5000 dogs. For those of you that don’t know, I volunteer with and fostered for a local rescue for many years so this gal is a saint in my eyes.

Alex D: 23, Sloth, Boston

Aaaaaaaannnndddd our first ridiculous job title to join the annals of Bachelor History along with Chicken Enthusiast, Panstapreneur, and of course: Social Media Participant.

Her bio states she “tends to moves slowly…verrrrrrrry slowly” so that’s either a sexual reference or this chic pretends to walk in slo-mo at all times.

Angelique: 28, Marketing Salesperson, Hamilton NJ

All we get on Angelique is that she’s a Jersey girl and she likes corny jokes. I love a good pun so this baby Angela Bassett could be in the running as a personal fave

Annie: 23, Financial Associate, New York City

Annie has had quite the interesting “journey” from farm girl in Wisconsin competing in horse riding competitions, to college at Alabama, to working in finance in NYC. I’m sure the producers will find a way to work some “riding a horse” references into the mix.

Bri: 24, Model, Los Angeles

Her biggest dating fear? Farting too loudly. Note that she doesn’t say “accidentally farting” but too loudly – meaning she’s probably pulled the ol’ silent but violent a time or two.

Also, she pretty much looks like a Lauren B clone so she’ll be hawking Flat Tummy Tea in 3…2…1

Caelynn: 23, Miss North Carolina 2018, Charlotte

So the Miss USA first-runner “isn’t your typical beauty queen.” okay sure. Side note, watched the movie Darlin’ over the weekend and I highly recommend.

Also flew to Japan for a first date. How did that Tinder match happen?

Caitlin: 25, Realtor, Toronto

Another Canada gal, however with quite possibly the most boring profile thus far. She enjoys photography, painting, and singing in….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cassie: 23, Speech Pathologist, Huntington Beach CA

I kinda feel like Cassie is WAY too normal for this franchise. Like she just sort of casually showed up for this photo on her lunch break but looks effortlessly good. I hate that.

Catherine: 26, DJ, Ft. Lauderdale

Where do I even start? The crazy is just radiating from this chick. I have this feeling that her personal heroine is probably Krystal (from Arie’s season)

Her DJ name is DJ Agro on the Ft Lauderdale club scene. What does that even mean? There’s a club scene in Ft Lauderdale other than the bridge club at Del Boca Vista? So many questions.

Courtney: 23, Caterer, Atlanta

Going to add Courtney into the “too normal” club, at least on first impressions. Although they did throw a classic “recipe for love” joke into her bio just to liven it up a bit. groan.

Demi: 23, Interior Designer, Red Oak TX

Basically the embodiment of Texas Barbie. She lists out a bunch of “country girl” things like fishing and ATVing, etc meaning I can guarantee she’s going to say she doesn’t have a lot of girl friends 

Devin: 23, Broadcast Journalist, Medford OR

She’s a local news reporter. In Medford. That’s all I got. I have a feeling she’s going to be a liiiiiitle too polished and controlled to partake in this shitshow for very long

Elyse: 31, Makeup Artist, Soldotna AK

She’s from Alaska and moved to Arizona. Talk about climate change (See what i did there?)

Erika: 25, Recruiter, Encinitas CA

I have a list of issues with this girl from just 2 sentences in her bio.

#1 Her nickname is “The Nut” Is that really a nickname you want millions of people to call you for the rest of your God-given life or at least until your 15 minutes of Bachelor-related fame has ended? oh wait. her last name is McNutt. I feel slightly better, but only slightly (see #2)

#2 She literally boasts that one of her talents is being able to eat whatever she wants without gaining weight. GTFO and never speak to me again, Regina George

Erin: 28, Cinderella, Plano TX

This gal looks dead behind the eyes so let’s just focus on the job description. She works for her stepmother’s home improvement business. Lots of Cinderella-related jokes in the bio, but I will admit that the last line about loving pumpkin spice lattes was funny (cuz Cinderella’s carriage was a pumpkin juuuuust in case it took you a minute!)

Hannah B: 23, Miss Alabama 2018, Tuscaloosa AL

Pageant Queen #2 who directly competed with Pageant Queen #1 Caelynn. Pretty sure there has to be a storyline coming there. Also, Alabama is mentioned no less than 5 times in her bio so there’s that.

Hannah G: 23, Content Creator, Birmingham AL

Another Hannah from Alabama and if you thought that was the end of their connections, THIS Hannah was also a pageant girl and competed against Hannah B for Miss Alabama back in 2017. 

What a tangled web of pageantry being weaved this season!

Heather: 22, Never Been Kissed, Carlsbad CA

Come on, she has to have a real job, right? 

I’m getting a real Ashley I. vibe from her where she’s going to talk nonstop about never being kissed with the virgin Bachelor that she’s trying to win over… hoo boy.

Jane/Adrianne: 26, Social Worker, West Hollywood

Is she Jane or is she Adrianne? Those two names aren’t really synonymous with each other, but she’s a “free spirit” so you do you Jane-ianne

Katie: 26, Medical Sales Rep, Sherman Oaks CA

I can’t get over how much she looks like Jurnee Smollett-Bell (from Friday Night Lights among hundreds of other things)

Kirpa: 26, Dental Hygienist, Whittier CA

In addition to making what is quite possibly the most awkward face this season, she works as a dental hygienist in her dad’s dental office. She’s going to get eaten alive by this franchise

Laura: 26, Accountant, Dallas

Our only Laura/Lauren representative came to play in a leather-ish bodice

Nicole: 25, Social Media Coordinator, Miami

oh Lordy she loves singing a cappella and salsa dancing. I really get some serious bitchy vibes, but watch she’ll be the nicest of the bunch just because I said that.

Nina: 30, Sales Account Manager, Raleigh NC

She’s a Bachelor super fan who was born in Croatia so if she sticks around long enough, she’s probably got a heartbreaking backstory to give us all the feels.

Onyeka: 24, IT Risk Consultant, Dallas

Her parents are from Nigeria, got engaged after two weeks, and have been together for 35 years. So I have a feeling her expectations for this process are going to be WAY too high

Revian: 24, Nurse, Santa Monica CA

Let me start by asking the obvious question here: did NOBODY tell her that her dress is see-through?
Oh wait, she loves attending music festivals… ’nuff said

Sydney: 27, NBA Dancer, New York City

Okay maybe I’m just tired at this point, but Sydney looks like a bottle of sunshine, and not just because of the yellow tank.

She’s an NBA dancer who has never had a boyfriend. Further proof that guys can be total idiots

Tahzjuan: 25, Business Development Associate, Castle Pines CO

Her “fun fact” is that she has a tattoo that say “I love bad ideas.” Sometimes you don’t even need a joke

Tayshia: 28, Phlebotomist, Corona Del Mar CA

I have nothing bad to say about her. She’s gorgeous, she volunteers at her church, and goes to wine tastings. Can I marry her?

Tracy: 31, Wardrobe Stylist, Los Angeles

I’m sorry, she’s a wardrobe stylist??? From when? 1989?

  • Biker shorts? check
  • tube top? check
  • oversize blazer? check check check

And to make it even worse better is this is a go-to look for her when sneaking through her instagram. See for yourself – there were too many to choose just one example: https://www.instagram.com/tshapoff/

And there you have it. 30 ladies that will compete to act like “the next Mrs. Underwood” long enough to keep the Neil Lane ring and get at least a half million new followers. 

And so the Journey Begins

Welcome!!!

Another trash-tastic season of The Bachelor is upon us and I’m kicking off this season right by finally getting my recap blog up and running after years of procrastinating (it’s what I do best!)

Going on 7 seasons now (with a temporary hiatus for Arie’s dumpster fire of a season) I’ve been running a bracket-style competition for a small but passionate group of co-workers and friends. The game really allowed me to dabble in two of my favorite things: making semi-complex spreadsheets and writing funny recaps. I’ve managed this all through email over the years, but I’ve been craving an easier way to write the recaps. The game itself is still a bit old-school due to the flexibility I need… okay fine… it’s because I just can’t commit to building a web-based version with a full-time job and a toddler running amok, amok, amok in my “free” time!

Left to right: my husband, my toddler, and me

So with that, I’d like to formally welcome you to recap-central where the game costs money, but the snark is free! 🙂